Tuesday, May 29, 2007,5/29/2007 01:18:00 am
Dilema
P.E.S.S.I.M.I.S.T.I.C
yea.. pessimistic indeed..
that's the word to decribe me..
perhaps there's another..
S.T.U.B.B.O.R.N
yea.. stubborn too..
if u're to ask me why I say so..
u'll know as u read on..
before my Mid Year Exams, I planned alot..
but.. 2 weeks before it..
I feel that I'll fail..
it's to an extant that I told myself to give up..
the last day of my Mid Year was horrid..
I wasn't happy at all..
in fact, I was feeling so down..
it was just the start..
soon.. time flies.. results were released..
I failed every single subject..
I appeared strong to everyone..
but inside me.. I was devastated..
I couldn't cheat myself anymore..
I know I'm sad.. I just refused to show it..
I just wanne be the happy guy around..
if that's isn't enough..
I gotta somehow fall out with someone..
I was reluctant to speak my heart out..
but.. I thought it will be better..
however.. it wasn't..
it triggered another nightmare..
once again.. I tried to appear strong..
inside me.. things were falling apart..
bits by bits.. I start to feel the pain..
it simply crashes down on me..
finally.. I told her..
but.. it's already too late..
whatever done is done..
I just need to find someone to speak to..
but.. I'm disappointed..
no one seems to understand me..
friends seems so distant..
can't get anyone to speak to..
what good does it bring?
N.O.T.H.I.N.G
yes.. nothing..
it brought me even more pain..
excruciating pain..
I feel like giving up on everything..
academic, friendship,family..
I just couldn't take it..
church camp is just around the corner..
counting down.. 3 more days..
I'm holding an important position..
I wanted to do my job well..
but with everything that took place..
I doubt myself..
am I really that good?
N.O
I reckoned that's my answer..
I searched within my heart..
it's so numb..
it's 1.45am now..
I'm still typing my blog..
holiday lesson is on for tomorrow..
I'm going to skip..
perhaps.. I should skip school for next term..
I don't think I'm ready..
perhaps.. I've disappointed so many people..
everything seems so purpose-less now..
I do things for the sake of doing..
I've no one to rant on..
a lonely guy on his bed..
staring in blankness.. typing what I feel..
the room is dark..
light emitting from my laptop luminated the room..
a small lamp is next to my bed..
surrounded by pin-drop silence..
perhaps.. perhaps I shouldn't..
whatever it is right now..
I'm in an dilema..
>>and i live just for you my lord.
